OK so plenty has changed since the last you heard from me.lol. I guess true love never dies!
I always told myself that my college sweetheart and I could never be just friends bc we had too much of a history...but after thinking,A LOT, I decided that I can. He and I have been through the most rocky 5 year relationship. We are the King and Queen of make up to break up. I know that sounds terrible but it all stems from horrible communication.
***From now on we will call this person JD***
Jd and I are always so happy to see eachother when we date. We only ever talk about our relationship. When there is a problem, neither one of us will say a thing..instead we will just not talk..and that falls on me. Because when i get angry I dont like to talk about the problem, especially not with him, bc i feel like everything is always a joke with him. In reality Jd has done nothing but be there for me and is always willing to talk. I see all of my mistakes.
With Jd my biggest problem is the fear of commitment. We always talk about our future, marriage, kids. it all makes me very happy, but at the same time, extremely scared. I come from a broken home. Parents have been seperated since I was around 10-11. I saw the pain my mom went through during and after the divorce. I never want to go through that or put my kids through that either.
JD and i are PERFECT for each other. In every aspect. He can always put a smile on my face no matter what I am going through. I know I could always depend on him to stand by my side. He is the man i always envisioned I would marry and have kids with. In my heart I still want all of those things, Its just my plan of execution has always been wrong. Everytime we get back together we NEVER fix the problems that we had before. So things are alwyas good for a couple of weeks and then they go back to the same drama and lack of communication. All I ever want is for us to be happy together.
I think that we have finally reached a place together that may work. We are working on being friends now. Talking everyday about our daily lives. We have also started talking about what we need to fix in our relationship and how it can be done. We are both being extremely proactive about the situation. I told him last night that it feels like i am falling in love with him all over again. Its such a great feeling to get butterflies from the littlest of things. A ghcat message is what makes me so happy now a days.
All i can say is that I hope that jd and my story ends the way we both wanted from the beginning. With us happy..thats all I want and ask for!
Something new develops in this story everyday, so stay tuned for more information...lol.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
New Directions lead to New Paths
You ever feel so lost that you have no idea where you are going to end up?? Well yesterday was the start of that for me. I think today I am going to dive head on into my problems with relationships.
I have always been the girl who will date ppl without commitment. A part of me, thinks that stems from fear. I like the idea of not being tied down to one person only bc it avoids me being hurt. I admit there was one person who I opened my heart to in college and somehow in the end I got burned. Do you ever have that one significant other in your life that you know you can ALWAYS go to and they will be willing to jump right back where you guys left off in the relationship?? Well that was him. We have been off and on for 5 years now.
I have the gift/curse of being able to date ppl and let them go to where it seems like its their fault. No matter how bad I had burned him, he was ALWAYS there to pick me back up and be the man I always wanted and needed in my life. A part of me wonders if i go back to him bc i know its safe. I knew he would be the one to marry me and be the best father to our kids. He is the type of guy that would never stray and always be there when i needed him. Everyone that knew us thought that we would be together forever...well things CHANGE. He was one of my only relationships that i'd ever had. So when i moved back to atlanta, i went crazy. I went straight into the club scene with my bff Candace and met such a different array of people. Dj's, club promoters the whole 9. I was flattered. So when guys would ask me out on a date I was there. I easily forgot about this college guy. But i would always travel back to where he lived bc i have family right there as well. We would try to make 'us' work all the time i would come back, but nothing ever came of it.
All of my heart knew that college boy would be the one i married, but it always seems so easy. He let me run all over him and make all the decisions. He always said he was happy, but a part of me knew that no one could be happy with the way i was treating them. Needless to say it all came to an end yesterday. The ONE time i was ready to make that commitment and venture off into our life together, he wasnt there. It was the end of an era for me. I would no longer be able to go to my safe haven.
I felt so alone and abandoned. It was almost as if my heart was ripped out. I can honestly say i have never felt that way before. But after a night of crying and being absolutely miserable i realized that this isnt ME. I sat up and prayed on it to God that he would give me the right path to go upon. Its time for me to let go of my past. Try some new things and live the life that i was meant to live. It made me realize that maybe college boy wasnt the one for me. This all happened for a reason. Maybe marrying him would have been the biggest mistake of my life. Or maybe this is just the hurt talking. Either way I'm glad it happened bc maybe I can finally move on with my life and relationships. I know the right person is out there for me. Just have to explore! All good things must come to an end.....and for me that part of my life has!
Life is all about living...so stay tuned for what else I have to write bc it will only get better from here!
I have always been the girl who will date ppl without commitment. A part of me, thinks that stems from fear. I like the idea of not being tied down to one person only bc it avoids me being hurt. I admit there was one person who I opened my heart to in college and somehow in the end I got burned. Do you ever have that one significant other in your life that you know you can ALWAYS go to and they will be willing to jump right back where you guys left off in the relationship?? Well that was him. We have been off and on for 5 years now.
I have the gift/curse of being able to date ppl and let them go to where it seems like its their fault. No matter how bad I had burned him, he was ALWAYS there to pick me back up and be the man I always wanted and needed in my life. A part of me wonders if i go back to him bc i know its safe. I knew he would be the one to marry me and be the best father to our kids. He is the type of guy that would never stray and always be there when i needed him. Everyone that knew us thought that we would be together forever...well things CHANGE. He was one of my only relationships that i'd ever had. So when i moved back to atlanta, i went crazy. I went straight into the club scene with my bff Candace and met such a different array of people. Dj's, club promoters the whole 9. I was flattered. So when guys would ask me out on a date I was there. I easily forgot about this college guy. But i would always travel back to where he lived bc i have family right there as well. We would try to make 'us' work all the time i would come back, but nothing ever came of it.
All of my heart knew that college boy would be the one i married, but it always seems so easy. He let me run all over him and make all the decisions. He always said he was happy, but a part of me knew that no one could be happy with the way i was treating them. Needless to say it all came to an end yesterday. The ONE time i was ready to make that commitment and venture off into our life together, he wasnt there. It was the end of an era for me. I would no longer be able to go to my safe haven.
I felt so alone and abandoned. It was almost as if my heart was ripped out. I can honestly say i have never felt that way before. But after a night of crying and being absolutely miserable i realized that this isnt ME. I sat up and prayed on it to God that he would give me the right path to go upon. Its time for me to let go of my past. Try some new things and live the life that i was meant to live. It made me realize that maybe college boy wasnt the one for me. This all happened for a reason. Maybe marrying him would have been the biggest mistake of my life. Or maybe this is just the hurt talking. Either way I'm glad it happened bc maybe I can finally move on with my life and relationships. I know the right person is out there for me. Just have to explore! All good things must come to an end.....and for me that part of my life has!
Life is all about living...so stay tuned for what else I have to write bc it will only get better from here!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
All Things Happen For A Reason
You know, I am a firm believer in this phrase. Everything in life happens for a reason. I am only 25 but can honestly say I have been through so much in my life that has made me who I am. Having grown up with Sickle Cell Disease, I was determined to not let it affect my adult life. I wanted to be able to live and grow as an adult without a disease looming over my head. I was always told by my family that travelling and living far a part from them was out of the question in case I got sick. Most of my life I listened to that. The past 2 years I decided to keep it moving. I ventured out to California to live last year. But enough about the boring part...lol.
Relationships: NOW, dating has never been my thing. No one has ever been able to hold me down long enough. I get super bored with most men. On top of that, most guys in atl are ALL THE SAME. Drive the same car, talk the same, and look HELLA metro. Why would I want to date a guy that I can find any day of the week. I want someone out of the ordinary. THEN you find the guys who live at home with mom and are content with it. HOW ANNOYING...I mean at what point to do you want to do YOU. the most annoying thing to me is when a BOY tells me hes a grown ass man...how can you be a grown ass man when mommy is still cooking u dinner on a daily basis? le sigh.
So i recently started dating my best friend in the whole wide world. Hes the best guy on the planet. What i like about it is that we are the same exact way as we were at friends, just with a few added benefits which are AMAZING.LOL. He treats me well and we can actually watch sports together. All the guys I date usually hate watching sports which hinders our relationship bc thats my thing. So now i see how guys feel when they are dating a chick who knows nothing about sports.lol
Job: I currently have an amazing job that has its ups and downs. I leave stressed everyday, but then realize how blessed I am to even have a job at this point. So many of my friends are receiving lay offs and its so unfortunate. I pray that everyone out there who is jobless is able to find some sort of steady income and make ends meet.
Friends: I have the BEST friends in the world. My bff Candace is my rock. This chick is amazing. Not only does she go through her own struggles but she always has an ear available to listen to my problems and happy thoughts.lmao. She also has the cutest baby in the world. Journie is what i call a shredder..she eats all paper and attacks everything in her sight. its kinda sad really but she puts a smile on my face whenever i see her!
All in all, life is pretty good right now. But everyday there is something I have to say. So keep reading for the drama that comes along.
Follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/krissybri
Relationships: NOW, dating has never been my thing. No one has ever been able to hold me down long enough. I get super bored with most men. On top of that, most guys in atl are ALL THE SAME. Drive the same car, talk the same, and look HELLA metro. Why would I want to date a guy that I can find any day of the week. I want someone out of the ordinary. THEN you find the guys who live at home with mom and are content with it. HOW ANNOYING...I mean at what point to do you want to do YOU. the most annoying thing to me is when a BOY tells me hes a grown ass man...how can you be a grown ass man when mommy is still cooking u dinner on a daily basis? le sigh.
So i recently started dating my best friend in the whole wide world. Hes the best guy on the planet. What i like about it is that we are the same exact way as we were at friends, just with a few added benefits which are AMAZING.LOL. He treats me well and we can actually watch sports together. All the guys I date usually hate watching sports which hinders our relationship bc thats my thing. So now i see how guys feel when they are dating a chick who knows nothing about sports.lol
Job: I currently have an amazing job that has its ups and downs. I leave stressed everyday, but then realize how blessed I am to even have a job at this point. So many of my friends are receiving lay offs and its so unfortunate. I pray that everyone out there who is jobless is able to find some sort of steady income and make ends meet.
Friends: I have the BEST friends in the world. My bff Candace is my rock. This chick is amazing. Not only does she go through her own struggles but she always has an ear available to listen to my problems and happy thoughts.lmao. She also has the cutest baby in the world. Journie is what i call a shredder..she eats all paper and attacks everything in her sight. its kinda sad really but she puts a smile on my face whenever i see her!
All in all, life is pretty good right now. But everyday there is something I have to say. So keep reading for the drama that comes along.
Follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/krissybri
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